he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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