so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
