i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
