belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
