it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
