I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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