Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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