Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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