to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
