There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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