so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
