Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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