i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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