How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
