Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As shirtless as possible
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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