i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
