I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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