i already hear my dad disowning me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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