Cold hands, warm shart.
there's paper in my vomit.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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