I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
