Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
