Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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