I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
