I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
