i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
