1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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