I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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