He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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