He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
