I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Barsexuality is the new black.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
