we made out on top of his cat.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
