every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
