those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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