Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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