just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
