but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
