every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
