Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
