Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
