everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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