i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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