I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
