remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
