you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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