all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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