Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
