the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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