I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
