I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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