Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
