Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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